The Crossing Church - Children's Ministry Reflection

In the course of the past semester the Lord has pulled me to the knees of my heart, literally with the 2-year-olds at Seeds of Promise and spiritually in the quiet time I get in the infant room on Sundays. I've always been passionately connected to kids. I enjoy their fresh, smiling faces and the hope and optimism they offer each and every time you meet with them. If I could describe this spiritual season of my life, I would say it's been a joyful challenge. I realized early in 2009 that I was spiritually starved: my church attendance was sporadic, I didn't meet with the Lord daily and I had few prayer partners and Christian friends to spend time with. I graduated in May and decided to take the year to accomplish some of the things that college didn't allow me to do. First on that list was getting back to God. The Children's ministry was my doorway to doing so. Not only did the kiddos bring a happiness back to my heart that had been buried for quite some time, but I got to spend time with amazing women of all ages who I could talk to in a relaxed environment and who encouraged me on my journey back to God. We shared stories about our struggles and what was going on in our lives each week and I came to respect many of these women along the way. A further bonus was that I was committed to showing up, and even though I didn't earn 100 percent on my volunteer attendance I wanted to be there each week and I was delighted that I was finally making time for God. It also felt good to be serving again, and to give parent's a chance for quiet time with God while I got to cuddle and entertain their beautiful children. I look forward to contininuing my service in the Children's Ministry and growing in my faith with the help of Him and the genuinely caring members of His church at The Crossing.

Watch & Read List

Recently picked up a People and it listed the top books and movies of the decade. Figured I should add them to my collections.

Movies
1. Star Trek
2. Up
3. The Hurt Locker
4. Up in the air
5. District 9
6. A Serious Man
7. An Education
8. Inglorious Bastards
9. Precious
10. Crazy Heart

I've only scene Up and Inglorious Bastards and that's only since I started dating Joe. I am definitely not a movie goer!

Shows
1. Glee (watch it, love it!)
2. Southland
3. The Good Wife (watch it, love it!)
4. The Real Housewives of New Jersey
5. Harper's Island
6. Grey Gardens
7. Nurse Jackie
8. Modern Family (watch it, like it)
9. Parks and Recreation (occasionally watch)
10. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (recently started watching and enjoy it)

Books
1. Open by Andre Agassi
2. The Help by Kathryn Stockett
3. Somewhere Towards the End by Diana Athill
4. Under the Dome by Stephen King
5. The Girls from Ames by Jeffery Zaslow (this looks awesome)
6. Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel
7. Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese (also looks great)
8. Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins
9. Too Much Happiness by Alice Munro
10. Zeitoun by Dave Eggers (also looks great)

Other Good Reads (a la the celebs)
1. Have a Little Faith by Mitch Albom
2. The Audacity to Win by David Plouffe
3. You Better Not Cry: STories for Christmas by Augusten Burroughs
4. When Autumn Leaves by Amy Foster

Home for the Holidays

I've always loved coming home. My mom has made our house a home. This beautiful, cozy dwelling space that I walk into and immediately feel that comfort feeling.

On the drive here I realized how long it's been since I've come home and just stayed at home. I didn't really make plans with friends this time. I've really missed my family and I feel as though I've let a space grow between me and my parents and my brother and sister in my five years of living two hours away.

My trip started off rocky. Packing the car in the freezing cold wasn't ideal. Then I went to pick up Memphis and he and I both ate the dust as we walked across Joe's driveway to the car. There I was, a stack of laundry flying through the air on top of me, a crying dog because he couldn't get up and me scrambling to get up with a bleeding wrist, sore bum and bruised elbow. Not a good start at all.

The drive calmed me down, it was smooth. Then I arrived to my dad who completely unloaded the car for me (love him) and my mom who fretted over the puppy.

Here's the thing about my mom. I love her, and I truly appreciate everything that she does for me and Nick and Susie. I think she is a wonderful woman and I don't always know how she does it. But I'm struggling. I think she is one of the hardest people to please, and while I used to do everything in my power to make her happy I've reached a point now where I snap right back at her. I know it's disrespectful, I know she doesn't deserve my shortness. But I think I've grown tired of her unhappiness and discontent. I look around and she has so much to be grateful for. If anyone has reason to complain, it's my dad. She gets to go to school for interior design (which she complains about). She gets to go out to lunch and spend time with friends. She has this wonderful home. And I don't think my father is perfect, but I think he is all in all a loving, faithful servant to her. I honestly do not remember the last time I saw or had a conversation with my mom that didn't involve a complaint about school, work or my father (usually all three). I don't know. I think what troubles me most is that I want to talk to my mom about this. I want to say, "Hey! Snap out of this funk you're in! We all love you but this is getting old." But no matter what approach I've tried to use with her, she manages to make me feel as guilty as she always has. I'm not understanding enough. I don't deal with what she deals with. I am too wrapped up in my own life.

Well, I am wrapped up in my life but I think I am supposed to be. I'm 23 and I can't imagine that she was still making explicit trips to her parents home at my age. In fact I believe they lived in another state and she was working full time.

I try to offer her advice, kind words or a little encouragement and, well "That's just not what I need. I just need you to listen." I don't mind listening. Honestly, I don't. But to expect me to not try and help when it's the same story day in and day out. I guess I'm only doing what I know she would do for me. She's always put her two cents in, she's always tried to give me a few solutions to consider. This is who she raised me to be. On the same turn, I deal with cranky, unhappy complaining people every day. That's not who I want my mom to be because I know at heart she's not. Maybe I'm just at the end of my own rope of patience and I'm being unfair to her.

I'm very discouraged. I have all of these wonderful, joyful feelings right now. I want to share things with her. I want her to be excited when I come home, even with the puppy. And sometimes I think she is happy, and that all the complaining is harbored feelings of resentment for us being gone. But I worry about her and our relationship.

So I'm hoping today is just like the falling on the ice in Joe's driveway - a rough start to a joy filled week. I keep praying for that anyway.

A few other things I think are worth mentioning:

Joe will be home on Christmas Eve, please pray for his safe travel. He is working doubles all week so others can spend time with their families and friends (including me) so it's my hope that this is appreciated and that he enjoys the days he does get to spend with both of his families. I love him and I'm glad to be spending this Christmas with him. He's one of my many blessings this year.

Don't forget the reason for Christmas. The best gift we'll ever receive is already ours. Today I went to church with my best friend and the pastor asked us all to bow our heads and prayed over us for a while. In the moment and all of the prayers surrounding he asked for those who received Jesus in their hearts today to raise their hands. I raised my hand, not because I hadn't already accepted Jesus in my heart (because I have), but because today was a joyful reminder that I need to keep on asking Jesus into my heart, into my thoughts words and actions so I might share his love more freely. I am God's daughter. In all of my concern about the kind of daughter I am to my own parents, I think I had forgotten who I really ought to seek to please. The pastor shared a great analogy about his own father - how he could go home to his parent's house and punch in the garage code and plop on the couch and eat their food because his father entitled him to everything that is his. That's God's free gift to us - a place in heaven and all of its beauty without any debt to him. Receiving presents is always fun, but there is no greater gift than that which God has given us. Take this time of Christmas to celebrate that gift, to bask in the love, family, friends and gifts in your life and to thank God for his grace.

Merry Christmas :)

Bottled Up

"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." Psalm 56:8

I don't post this verse because I'm feeling down or upset. I post it because in the joy of Christmas and the excitement that surrounds us at this time of year, I think it's important that we remember God's amazing love and care for each and every tear we've cried. For every worry we've ever had. God remembers and more importantly he cares.

I found myself anxious last night. I was laying in bed thinking of the million things I wanted to do this morning before working at 11. And I realized I hadn't picked up my bible or devotional or written in my prayer journal since the day of the LSAT. I was so worried, and in that worry I drew very near to God. Then forgot about him. So this morning I asked God to bring me back on the knees of my heart to him and to not let the flurry of this time of year distract me from my growing relationship with Him.

The verse above was a gentle reminder that God never forgets my worries, but he also tracks all of the good things that happen too. I was considering purchasing or making a bottle to fill with colorful and not so colorful items to remind me of God's continuous, perfect love and care over the events of my life. Perhaps a New Year's project.

Happy Wednesday :)

My Starfish

A young boy walked along the beach one evening. He came upon a starfish stranded yards from the tide, struggling for life. The boy reached down and gently lifted the starfish and returned it to the ocean.

A man approached the boy and asked, “Why are you bothering with that starfish? They die up tide all the time, by the hundreds. That won’t make a difference.”

Raising his to the man, the young boy said, “It’ll make a difference to this one.”

So many times in my work on the Innocence Project I've been confronted with this question, "It takes so long to help just one person, is it worth it?" Well I like to believe it's worth it to the one person whose case it is that I'm working on. As I go take my test today, I will carry this story in my heart to remind me that what I'm doing is valuable and will hopefully make a difference one day.

December Brings Winter, Finally!

Memphis and I took a walk at the park and then decided to cuddle and relax since the big day is tomorrow and we are both frozen from the inside out from being outside. I feel ready, just want to do the very best I can and finish up my applications so I can start planning. I'm so excited :)

Memphis says hi... actually he hates when the computer is on my lap and he's not. This is his, "Seriously, Mom, I-hate-that-thing face." Better go.

The Public Library

I think we have the coolest public library. Last night after I finished my two practice tests, I checked out three "celebratory" books for after the test is over on Saturday :) I think I might start making this place a must visit once a week location.

Time to go get coffee with one of my favorite people at Kaldi's! Then round two of studying. I'm actually enjoying studying and not working. It's frustrating at times but my score keeps improving and that is awesome. Not to mention I needed the time away from work... my checking account didn't but I did.

Pumpkin Spice

This morning I woke up and had a cup of pumpkin spice coffee (yum). Then I bundled up and Joe and I took Memphis for a run at the park. I'm very grateful for that park because there is rarely anyone else around, therefore we can let Memphis run and play without being on the leash. He's getting so big and I enjoy watching him chase the squirrels and geese and run around with a neon green frisbee that blocks his vision completely.

I've never studied so hard for a test, and my confidence is wavering. However, I know where my strength is rooted and that I will perform the best that I possibly can on Saturday. And that whether I get into law school or not is trivial, this test just determines what my next steps are. Either I'll begin a hard three years of a legal education or I'll go find work and start a professional life three years earlier. Is it bad that both choices are exciting to me? I think I'm ready for change and no matter what my score is, change is coming and that is sufficient for me.

And I know myself well enough to know that if law school is what I truly want, I will get a job, wait 5 years and try again. Or just rock this test the first time :)