Today
I went to church. Got to hold precious little babies for 2 hours and then went to service. The message, as always, was just what I needed to hear. It was about purpose in life. Seems broad and unoriginal, but it was an incredibly necessary message, for me, today. I think what hit me most was when the he brought up how I pray. He said, "So often we pray for God to show us his plan for us. Now, that's not wrong. But there's something we must pray for first. And that is Him." Meaning: It's the person that comes first. It's seeking God and wanting Him and praying for his sovereignty in life, not to get in on his plan for me. Living for God's purpose starts with a person earnestly seeking the Lord, cultivating a heart for God in the mundane parts of life. It is more about me wanting him, than about me knowing His plan for my life. Once I seek Him, the plan will unfold. As I started flipping back through my prayer journal during the message, I can't tell you how many times I saw myself begging the Lord in the past 9 months, "Please, Lord, reveal your plan. Guide my path, direct my steps." That's not a bad prayer, but I've been missing it. I'm asking God to let me in on something that is exceptionally beyond my comprehension, instead of asking God to dwell in my body, mind, heart and soul so that I might become a person who seeks Him in everything. And viola! Or so I hope, my life will begin to have purpose. Because this _________ (relationship, job, school, friend, etc.) can never support the weight of my soul. Only He can. Which brings me to the next subject, how difficult it is going to be for me to move away from this church which has been such a soul-finding spot for me.
June & July
What am I doing and where am I going? I have no idea. And I do not like that that is the answer I have for anyone asking me that question lately. It's incredibly wearing on me as a person. I'm on the wait list at UMKC for law school. I've applied to a job in Columbia with Big Brothers Big Sisters, a non-profit organization that I've always been fond of. I've also applied to a few jobs in St. Louis. But no concrete decision has been made. Anyone who knows me, knows this is very unlike me.
However, this is what I do know about June and July. I will work as much as possible in June at the restaurant and I'm also doing research for an old professor and friend of mine for a little extra cash. I want to have every bill, including my car, paid off by the end of July because be it law school or a new house to pay rent on and decorate, I want to be in the best possible financial shoes possible. That being said, I'm going to have a very minimal social life. July 15, my lease ends. I will move in with Joe in his spare bedroom for 1 month. In that month, if I still haven't heard from UMKC or received a firm job offer, Joe and I will find a place to live in St. Louis and I will probably look for some sort of bartending/serving job there until I find a real, full-time job. I have lots of options there so it makes the most sense to move back to St. Louis. I've also been looking at and applying to several jobs in Denver. I'm not completely over the idea of moving to somewhere fun and adventurous for a few years before moving back to the Lou.
Maybe that helps explain why the message today about not trying to get in on God's plan was something I really needed to hear :)
Trip to Texas
Stacey and I rented a Prius (I highly recommend these rocket ship looking cars, we drove nearly 30 hours and spent roughly $55 on gas!) and headed to Killeen, Texas to visit Abbie, Don and baby Connor. I enjoyed the trip, especially getting to catch up with Stacey and seeing Abbie as a mommy. It was "wonderful weird," as Rachel from Friends once said, seeing her and holding her little boy. I also got to meet her husband for the first time, and it was awesome to see what a cute little family they are. It's weird how much you miss good conversation with close friends until you get a full 3-4 days of it. I needed it. Talking to Stacey on the drive was ... refreshing! She and I are in very similar and very different shoes, but she is by far one of my favorite people to talk about life with. I also got to do a little shopping :) Always a plus. Oklahoma was a very miserable drive, that is the one part of the trip I didn't enjoy. And I'm glad I visited Texas, but I don't ever see myself dying to live there again.
Trip to Mango with SB's
The week before Texas, I made a short trip to St. Louis for Casey's graduation party and then headed downtown to meet Jen, Susan, Jessie and Dom for dinner. It was one of those dinners that reminded me how very much those ladies mean to me. I say that but it doesn't really sum up how great they are. We just had one of those moments at dinner where we all looked at each other and were just so glad to be sitting there with each other, sharing secrets and understanding without reservation.
My "Boys"
Memphis is growing by the day. He is over 50 lbs now. His neutering went fine, I don't think he noticed, he was just so happy we came back to pick him up at the vet. He's starting to calm down enough to snuggle. I love the mornings where I wake up before he and Joe do and I just get to be wedged between them while they're both snoring. It's cute.
Joe graduated. He's also looking for a job. I'm having a graduation party for him on July 11th. Getting ready to send out the invites. He and I just celebrated 1 year on May 17th. I feel very lucky to have him in my life and we're both very excited to move on to the next steps in life, together.
Summer Happenings
June 6-9: Trip to KY to see my aunt :)
June 11-13: Wedding in Chicago with Joe's family
June 16: Dave Matthews in St. Louis!
July 11th: Joe's grad party
July 17th: LADY GAGA!
August 6: My 24th bday, Maria and Rebecca's Weddings :)
That's all I have for now. I'm going to try and get back to blogging at least once a week!
