We routinely disqualify testimony that would plead for extenuation. That is, we are so persuaded of the rightness of our judgment as to invalidate evidence that does not confirm us in it. Nothing that deserves to be called truth could ever be arrived at such means.
-Marilynne Robinson , The Death of Adam
I just finished reading The Shack by William P. Young. It was one of those books I picked up to read at precisely the right time. I couldn't put it down, and when I finished I knew it had changed my perception.
"Paradigms power perception and perceptions power emotions. Most emotions are responses to perception – what you think is true about a given situation. If your perception is false, then your emotional response to it will be false too. So check your perceptions, and beyond that check the truthfulness of your paradigms – what you believe. Just because you believe something firmly doesn’t make it true. Be willing to reexamine what you believe. The more you live in the truth, the more your emotions will help you see clearly. But even then, you don’t want to trust them more than Me."
I've always had a complex with the way I think others perceive me. I've struggled over and over to stop feeling constantly judged by those around me. Moreover, I've always believed in making good impressions and that this is important. As a result, I often find myself anxious, uncomfortable, nervous, awkward ... you name it.
"I give you an ability to respond and your response is to be free to love and serve in every situation, and therefore each moment is different and unique and wonderful.
"It is true that relationships are a whole lot messier than rules, but rules will never give you answers to deep questions of the heart and they will never love you."
It wasn't until after reading this book that I was sitting alone thinking about what I'd just read that I just started laughing at the absurdity of how I act. It's like this: my entire life I've had the mentality that other people's opinions of me actually matter. That in and of itself is laughable. And because I perceive how they think about me positively or negatively, it changes the way that I act and relate with them. This has kept me from being a loving, enjoyable person to be with. My response to others is pretty simple really. I can either love them, embrace them or I can serve them. If I'm doing one of those two things, I won't ever have to worry about feeling uncomfortable or unsure of how they think of me. In light of the past few weeks and some horribly awkared encounters ... this just made me rethink my responses.
"So for you to live as if you were unloved is a limitation, not the other way around … living unloved is like clipping a bird’s wings and removing it’s ability to fly. Not something I want for you … pain has a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly … and if left unresolved for very long, you can almost forget that you were ever created to fly in the first place."
One of my resolutions this year was to smile more. It's truly amazing how smiling changes relationships. I'm not talking romantic relationships. Just people relationships. One friendly smile from an old friend brightened my entire Thursday this week. It's boggling. I realized that if I just started believing that people might actually like me, love me or quite possibly have no opinion of me whatsoever, that I would respond to them in a way that produced positive love both from myself and them. It's not an easy thing to do. To change the way you think about others. To change what you believe and how you feel because you believe certain people think certain things. But I've been making a conscious effort to just love the people I encounter daily, in an honest and real way.
"So many believe that it is love that grows, but it is the knowing that grows and love simply expands to contain it. Love is just the skin of knowing."
One of the main themes of the books was that people ought to love the way God loves. It says God is "especially fond" of each of his children. And like God, we should love in that unconditional, non-judgmental and self-sacrificing way.
"If anything matters then everything matters. Because you are important, everything you do is important. Every time you forgive, the universe changes; every time you reach out and touch a heart or a life the world changes; with every kindness and service, seen or unseen, my purposes are accomplished and nothing will ever be the same again.
