Psalm 139: Dee Dee's Adaptation

Jehovah, Sovereign God, always existing, one true God.

You have searched me - when I rise up in the morning, where I sit during the day, wherever I am, always.

You perceive, understand and know my thoughts. You recognize my ways and are familiar with them - my daily paths of life, my manners, my habits, my moral character.

You know what I will say, before I do. This is way too much for me to understand, to comprehend. Yet, this is from your word, so I believe it's true.

How do you hem me in? How is your hand upon me? Please let me recognize this today.

Your presence is everywhere, in the heavens, in the depths of the valleys and oceans. At the dawn of each new day, you are there. You are here, and if I travel to the farthest sea, you're there. You're light is in darkness; you illuminate even darkness.

You made me, created and formed me, reverently, honorably, respectfully, wonderfully. I was not hidden from you. You saw my unformed body. All my days were written in the past, before I was born.

Oh Sovereign Creator, thoughts of you are precious, yet I can't comprehend all of you.

You knew me before I was, you know me today, tomorrow.

Search me. My mind. My heart. Examine, scrutinize, test and prove me.

In all of my anxieties and thoughts that disquiet me, show me where I think wrong.

Look, consider, distinguish my ways and show me my wickedness, unrighteousness, my sorrow and my idols.

Lead me in the way everlasting for I am confident that you, Father, who began the good work of your salvation in me and sealed me with your Holy Spirit will complete what you started.

Lead me in your way everlasting. Amen.

Excitement.

If you’re waiting for answered prayer or the fulfillment of one of His promises, don’t give up. If you think He has forgotten you, think again. When the fullness of time is right for you, He’ll show up—and you’ll be amazed by His brilliant timing!

- Joe Stowell

I'm so anxious to finish these projects but I wanted to write on here first. It's been tremendously helpful for me to vent here lately so I figure I should continue.

I'm really missing my family, especially my dad right now. He's super unhappy in his job and I seriously worry every single day that his heart is going to act up. He's always had heart trouble and every time I talk to my mom she tells me how miserable he is. I love my dad so much and I just constantly worry about him.

At the same time I'm in love with the beautiful weather, the freedom I feel coming on post-graduation, and the friendships I've begun to build with both people here and family. Sometimes I don't feel like I can keep up with everyone, which is funny because I keep saying how lonely I am. Anyway I'm grateful for the love surrounding me. I'm trying to be strong and remember the promises I've made to myself for the next year.

One more thing- I was thinking of all of the great women in my life. Mom, Aunt Susan, Gma, SusieQ, Stacey Marie, Rachel, Sumo, Mimi, JMalle, JLew, Frischy, Smartie, AH, JR, Robin, Renee, Chrissy, Morgan& Mal, Jasmine, Mel, Casey and Jim & Jas (basically as great as the girls :)) I'm so lucky. And maybe I am a little bit feminst because I know such amazing women!

I'm almost a college grad :) time to work so I can celebrate!

btw - not talking to all of the boys from my past has been delightfully liberating so far

Oh, and I'm buying a black maxi dress from Ely's tomorrow that I can't afford.

Inspiring Poems & Such from Tessa

When I Say I Am A Christian

When I say... "I am a Christian"

I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."

I'm whispering "I was lost,

Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian"

I don't speak of this with pride.

I'm confessing that I stumble

and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"

I'm not trying to be strong.

I'm professing that I'm weak

And need His strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"

I'm not bragging of success.

I'm admitting I have failed

And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"

I'm not claiming to be perfect,

My flaws are far too visible

But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"

I still feel the sting of pain.

I have my share of heartaches

So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"

I'm not holier than thou,

I'm just a simple sinner

Who received God's good grace, somehow!

-Maya Angelou

"A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her."
— Max Lucado

God's Accuracy

God's accuracy may be observed in the hatching of eggs. For example;

-the eggs of the potato bug hatch in 7 days;
-those of the canary in 14 days;
-those of the barnyard hen in 21 days.
-The eggs of ducks and geese hatch in 28 days;
-those of the mallard in 35 days.
-The eggs of the parrot and the ostrich hatch in 42 days.
(Notice, they are all divisible by seven).

God's wisdom is seen in the making of an elephant. The four legs of this great beast all bend forward in the same direction. No other quadruped is so made. God planned that this animal would have a huge body, too large to live on two legs. For this reason He gave it four fulcrums so that it can rise from the ground easily.

The horse rises from the ground on its two front legs first. A cow rises from the ground with its two hind legs first. How wise the Lord is in all His works of creation!

God's wisdom is revealed in His arrangement of sections and segments, as well as in the number of grains.

-Each watermelon has an even number of strips on the rind.
-Each orange has an even number of segments.
-Each ear of corn has an even number of rows.
-Each stalk of wheat has an even number of grains.
-Every bunch of bananas has on its lowest row an even number of bananas, and each row decreases by one, so that one row has an even numbe r and the next row an odd number.

-The waves of the sea roll in on shore twenty-six to the minute in all kinds of weather.

All grains are found in even numbers on the stalks, and the Lord specified thirtyfold, sixtyfold, and a hundredfold - all even numbers.

God has caused the flowers to blossom at certain specified times during the day, so that Linneus, the great botanist, once said that if he had a conservatory containing the right kind of soil, moisture and temperature, he could tell the time of day or night by the flowers that were open and those that were closed!

Care Package

Got home to a care package from the youth group at my church back home today. Just wanted to share the letter from my pastor, who never fails to put things perfectly.

"With the semester winding down, you're probably under a little bit of stress. You lack sleep. When you wake up in the morning, the first thing you think about is when in the day you'll be able to crawl back into bed. You're anxiety level is high. It's that tight feeling in your gut. And your mind is racing, trying to cram tons of (sometimes useless) information. Added to that are your complex relationships - people at college, friends back home, family, etc. - and you don't know how you can manage it all.

And in the middle of all this noise, busyness and stress, you begin to forget who you really are. You end up being "the student," "the boyfriend/girlfriend," "the student worker," "the test taker," "the frat guy," "the people pleaser." When Satan tempted Jesus, three times he questioned his identity with the word "if." "If you are the Son of God." Or for you, maybe it's "if you are a good student..." "if you get through this semester." "If you ever have any real friends." "If people really like you." "If you're really worthy of being here." "If anyone really cares about you."

"If" is an uncertain word. It casts doubt on who you are. But notice Jesus' response each time. Every time he counters Satan, he uses the Word of God, and he clings to his identity in God. You might be entirely stressed and ready to quit. But this is precisely the place where all the scaffolding gets torn down and you've got no crutch to lean on. You realize it's just you - weak, broken, vulnerable. And this is exactly where God wants you. You are forced to surrender totally and unconditionally to Jesus Christ. And then you realize what your true identity is. It is not based on what you can do, or the reputation you can create, or the party animal you are, or the student you aspire to be. At the heart of it, your identity is simply as a child of God.

Stop. Pause. Look away from the computer or TV screen. Stop texting for a minute. Be quit, and hear this: You have been died for, and you are loved by God. This is your first identity. One who is incorporated into Jesus (Rom. 6:3,4). You have been won back by God. This is who you are. Only from this identity can you really begin to take tests, hang with friends, and deal with family. When you're grounded in your first identity, everything else falls into place.

So my prayer for you today is relief from anxiety if it is God's will. But even more- that the struggle, the anxiety, and the trial would remind you of your true identity. And in this, Jesus transforms you."

Leo and Leah

Today in my Folklore and Feminist theory class I was introduced to a girl, Leo (pronounced Lay-o), who is from Ecuador. We were asked to state our heritage, where we came from etc. I was amazed, in this class of 38 girls, that so many had crazy backgrounds and actually knew about their ancestors and roots. Like me, there were also several girls (along with the instructor) who didn't know the answer to that question because we're from right here. We're American women from small towns. We know little pieces about our grandparents but we haven't carried traditions or cultures with us, or at least we don't really think we do. Anyway, back to Leo. She's fascinating. It's crazy but I could listen to her talk for hours, she has the neatest voice and just a rich history and life experience to share. I also was introduced to a classmate in my International Issues class, Leah, from New Zealand. She too had this beautiful voice and an incredible story. I know this semester is going to challenge me immensely, however I am very excited about the classes I am taking. Aside from the two I just mentioned, I am also taking my Magazine Editing course (which is what I want to do and I really think it's going to answer several of my uncertainties about my future as a journalist). I'm taking an intermediate writing class with Prof. Weinberg, who is not only a respected and established author but just a very nice and encouraging mentor. Our section focuses on the criminal justice system and we are partnering with UMKC and UMSL's law and criminology schools on a project entitled The Innocence Project. Basically I'll be assigned to a case to investigate the an individual who is convicted but potentially innocent and locked in one of Missouri's horrendous prisons. Finally I am taking my English capstone, in which I will basically write a 30 page paper on some topic that engages me from Willa Cather's writing. To most this probably sounds tormenting, I'm actually really excited about it. Cather was the editor for McClures, the magazine that several of the muckraking journalist wrote for. Supposedly Cather didn't like the type of work muckrakers produced, yet she edited tons of the work they published. Anyway I figure researching this and writing about it will be a perfect opportunity to tie my Journalism and English degrees. One other thing I did today was talk to an advisor about internships for next semester and summer and I found two I think would work out perfect. Now I just have to apply and get accepted!! If the one works out, I might be on my way to Birmingham, AL following graduation =) We'll see though. Ok this was random but I wanted to write about my crazy day.