Finding a Way

So I've been MIA - actually just swamped with graduation, work and MIP stuff. I forgot how much freedom you think you're going to have in the summer at first until you realize you work doubles every day and all the in between time is spent at the pool, running or resting. I've been sick as well so that hasn't helped. Either way, life is good.

The devotional my dad sent me a couple of days ago arrived in my inbox on the perfect day (as usual). As I was returning to my innocence case that I took a brief respite from for about 2 weeks, the following quote reminded me how important the work is that I'm doing.

"Those who have eyes that see what God sees find ways to help the helpless."

- Julie Ackerman Link

I know I can't be all-consumed by the case, but it's hard not to think about him being in prison as I celebrate my graduation from college and spend a few days at the pool.

Other updates - I'm seeing someone new. Still trying to wrap my mind around that because it's been so long. But I am happy. Very, very happy.

GiST 8:365

1. Meeting my team for the summer program with the Innocence Project and learning we now have our own attorney for our case specifically! Such good news.

2. I bought my bridesmaid dress for Stacey's wedding :) And I'm excited to get planning!

3. A conversation I had yesterday with a nurse. I don't know how she knew exactly what to say to me to calm me down, but it was much appreciated. An understanding stranger is often the best kind of comfort.

4. Meeting the team I will be working with in the Infant Room at The Crossing this summer. I'm anxious to have some baby time!

5. Having someone to hold me while I cried and actually being able to cry for once. I hardly ever do and when I do, it's rarely in front of anyone. But it was nice to let go, and I feel much more capable of moving forward now.

6. Getting to go to a Card's game... finally! Even though they lost I had so much fun.

Hope everyone enjoyed Memorial Day Weekend - the pools are all open :)

Now if Columbia would just clear itself of the clouds!

Girl's Day

Today Susan and I went and had lunch on the patio at Willie's and then got pedicures and shakes from Sonic. It was a great day. Graduation was absolutely perfect. My family and I had a blast together and I got to take my little brother out for his 21st. And I think, well I'm just not going to think. I'm really, really happy right now though.

GiST: 7:365

1. Lunch with my girlfriends today

2. The laughter last night at the Deuce, especially over our "Dumb Comment" tally.

3. The text from JLew this morning. I really miss that girl!

4. My new toe color: Shanghai Surprise!

5. My large orange cream slush

Summer has officially arrived :)

Song I'm listening to right now:

I'm Only Me When I'm With You- Taylor Swift

Friday night beneath the stars

In a field behind your yard

You and I are paintin' pictures in the sky

And sometimes we don't say a thing

Just listen to the crickets sing

Everything I need is right here by my side

And I know everything about you

I don't wanna live without you

I'm only up when you're not down

Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground

It's like no matter what I do

Well you drive me crazy half the time

The other half I'm only trying to let you know

That what I feel is true

And I'm only me when I'm with you

Just a small town boy and girl

Livin' in a crazy world

Tryin' to figure out what is and isn't true

And I don't try to hide my tears

My secrets are my deepest fears

Through it all nobody gets me like you do

And you know everything about me

You say that you can't live without me

I'm only up when you're not down

Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground

It's like no matter what I do

Well you drive me crazy half the time

The other half I'm only trying to let you know

That what I feel is true

And I'm only me when I'm with you

When I'm with anybody else, it's so hard to be myself

Only you can tell

That I'm only up when you're not down

Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground

It's like no matter what I do

Well you drive me crazy half the time

The other half I'm only trying to let you know

that what I feel is true

And I'm only me

Who I wanna be

Well, I'm only me when I'm with you

With you

100 Things.

1. I'm German. My last name in German means cup. I am a cup.
2. I have never broken a bone.
3. I'm annoyingly organized.
4. One of my favorite things to do is open all the windows on a warm day, turn the fan on high, cook sausage and potatoes and watch my favorite TV shows.
5. I believe God changes people, and God changes things. And that if you are grateful for everything from the sunshine to your favorite song on the radio, your world will transform.
6. My last name is pronounced beacher, not becker or betcher. Everyone calls me by my last name. It's weird but I'm OK with it.
7. My mom is the only person I know well that calls me Jessie.
8. I love going to Cardinals games, but haven't been to one for 2 years.
9. I don't like driving over bridges, it freaks me out and I usually speed over them.
10. I trip. All the time. I don't even get embarrassed anymore. On campus, in the spot in Sophia's that I swear the floor is uneven, when I'm running. You name it, I'm always looking at something or someone instead of the ground. That's a good thing though right?
11. My favorite episode of FRIENDS is Season 2 Episode 14. "See...he's her lobster!"
12. My grandma works for Nascar and likes to buy me Coach purses. She's pretty much the coolest grandma ever.
13. I love my hair short, sometimes I miss it being long, but I really love it short.
14. I trust God is working on the man's heart I'll eventually be with. I long for the day I can be with someone again, being single breaks you down and builds you up all at once. I miss the happiness loving a man brings, but being forced to be patient is probably a good thing.

15. I love road trips. Flying makes me nervous but I'm not afraid of it.
16. I'm 5'4" and weigh 98 lbs. I've never worried about my weight, people accuse me of eating disorders all the time. I don't know why but it typically doesn't offend me. I just explain it's genetic, because it is!
17. Is my cousin's wedding anniversary and brother's birthday in May.

18. I often wish I had a bigger family. I want to have a big family when I'm older.
19. I love getting my nails painted and pedicures.
20. I've never had a massage. I want to get one.
21. Sometimes I don't think I am cut out for marriage. I can't see myself as a mother or a wife. I hope I will be both but it wouldn't be shocking or devastating to me if I'm still on my own in 20 years.
22. Is how old I am right now.
23. I love pickles.
24. My favorite chips are sea salt & vinegar.
25. I love country concerts. I haven't been to one in a very long time.
26. I now have 2 bachelors degrees in Journalism and English.
27. I am a bartender/server and proud to be both.
28. I love living alone.
29. I worry too much about what people think of me.
30. I hate taking birth-control. I've taken it since 8th grade and I hate it.
31. I love roller coasters, my favorite is one I went on with my dad at Universal Studios.
32. My heart stopped while my mom was in labor and they had to do an emergency c-section
33. I love my blue cotton robe.
34. I think the name Isadora for a little girl is beautiful.
35. I will name my baby boy Austin, it's my favorite name.
36. I do not like my handwriting.
37. I have my daddy's eyes.
38. I would wear flip flops everyday if I could.
39. It drives me absolutely NUTS when people don't use their turn signals.
40. I can't stand when guys say "woman" a certain way. You know what way I'm talking about.

41. I am the oldest child.

42. I had a mohawk when I was a baby.

43. I love every Keith Urban song I've ever heard.
44. My brother nick is the funniest person I know.
45. I have 63 pairs of shoes in my closet.
46. The first concert I went to was Britney Spears at Six Flags
47. I think Columbia has been the best three years of my life thus far; I love this town.
48. I came to college and my first and only pet, a goldfish named Elinor, got swallowed by my coworker, Jake.
49. My mom is a really talented home decorator.

50. I am not very patient. In fact I can be quite bossy and demanding.
51. I didn't text until this past Christmas even though my dad is a 30+ year employee at ATT. My parents despise texting.
52. I was captain of my HS cheerleading sqaud, editor-in-chief of the yearbook and a class officer.
53. I hate taking pictures - the Facebook photo frenzy drives me absolutely insane.
54. It's a goal of mine to wake up earlier so my days are longer and fuller.
55. My great-grandma died of Alzheimer's and I worry about it taking my grandma and dad all the time.
56. I'd like to run a marathon.
57. I don't sleep a lot but I'm rarely tired.
58. I love SUMMER - the sun, the flowers and the freedom it brings. I hate winter and I want to move south, even though Missouri isn't that bad.
59. My parents thought I was going to be a boy when I was born, my name would have been Adam. Adam is now my brother's middle name.
60. The Cardinals were playing in the World Series the day I was born and my dad made them turn the radio on in the delivery room.
61. I lived five minutes from two of my now best friends growing up and we never knew each other until college.
62. I consider deleting Facebook almost every day. I think it's created an entire generation of people who don't know how to connect without it and it's pathetic.
63. I have a birthmark on my right hand that people always see and tell me I have chocolate on my hand.
64. I have a scar on my eye from when I had the chicken pox.
65. I played the piano for 12 years. I won several trophies from music competitions. The last song I ever played on the piano was 100 years by Five for Fighting.
66. I hardly ever cry.
67. I am a Leo, peridot is my birthstone and I love it.
68. My kitchen table is the same one I had growing up at home that my dad painted for me to match my apartment.
69. One of my favorite places in Missouri is Hermann. It's gorgeous and has wineries.
70. I listen to my I-pod while I grocery shop.
71. If I could trade personalities with anyone it would be my best friend Stacey. I think she's one of the happiest, most loving girls I know.
72. My favorite snack is Wheat Thins with whipped cream cheese.
73. My favorite job was tutoring DaMarcus with Jumpstart.
74. I played the harp for 6 months.
75. I'm no movie buff. I'm not good at trivia especially movie trivia.
76. I watch Sex & The City on repeat almost every night before I go to bed.
77. I've never been out of the country.
78. I've never tried a cigarette or smoked anything for that matter. It has absolutely never been appealing to me.
79. I don't like guns, knives, or weapons.
80. I drink sweet tea like water.
81. I am constantly putting on lip gloss.
82. I love listening to thunder and watching lightening.
83. I'm an avid list maker.
84. I never had a fake ID. I've never given my ID to anyone to use either.
85. My favorite place in Columbia is the park where Devil's Ice Box is.
86. I love suspenseful movies that you have to figure out.
87. I have several nicknames, but Tiny Dancer is probably the most popular. I love to dance, and I'm positively a terrible dancer.
88. I get goosebumps when I'm hot.
89. Every guy I've been with has had something about him that made me know right away I could never marry him.
90. I can't sleep with socks on. My mom had to cut the feet out of my baby pajamas because my feet are always on fire.
91. Misspelled signs, menus or any other misspellings, drive me crazy. But I know I'm often guilty of spelling errors!
92. I like the color purple, but I don't have a favorite color.
93. I love three- to six-year-olds; I've never found one that doesn't make me smile.
94. I read, read, read. My new favorite magazine is Mother Jones. The Shack changed me. One of my all-time favorite books is The Friday Night Knitting Club.
95. Sundays are my favorite.
96. The most influential person in my life is my Dad. He is a hero, my hero, in every sense of that word.
97. I love to clean. I can't leave my apartment without my bed being made or picking up the dirty laundry on the floor. The smell of clean linen sets my mind at ease.
98. I sometimes eat sugar ... just straight sugar.
99. Every day I make time to run 2-4 miles.
100. I am obsessed with quotes. It's not that I live by them or think others should. I just think it's important for you to know that someone else out there, at one point, felt exactly as you do right now.

I Can Taste the Freedom :)

I just listened to this song by Taylor Swift (who I'm not usually a fan of) but it is exactly how I feel about my dad:

The Best Day

I'm five years old, it's getting cold, I've got my big coat on
I hear your laugh and look up smiling at you, I run and run
Past the pumpkin patch and the tractor rides, look now, the sky is gold
I hug your legs and fall asleep on the way home

I don't know why all the trees change in the fall
But I know you're not scared of anything at all
Don't know if Snow White's house is near or far away
But I know I had the best day with you today

I'm thirteen now and don't know how my friends could be so mean
I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys
And we drive and drive until we found a town far enough away
And we talk and window shop 'til I've forgotten all their names

I don't know who I'm gonna talk to now at school
But I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you
Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay
But I know I had the best day with you today

I have an excellent father, his strength is making me stronger
God smiles on my little brother, inside and out, he's better than I am
I grew up in a pretty house and I had space to run
And I had the best days with you

There is a video I found from back when I was three
You set up a paint set in the kitchen and you're talking to me
It's the age of princesses and pirate ships and the seven dwarfs
And Daddy's smart and you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world

And now I know why the all the trees change in the fall
I know you were on my side even when I was wrong
And I love you for giving me your eyes
For staying back and watching me shine
And I didn't know if you knew, so I'm takin' this chance to say
That I had the best day with you today

Anyway I was going to go out tonight, but I am exhausted, need to get things done tomorrow before my family arrives and also feel much more inclined to sit in my favorite chair and listen to the thunderstorm and watch the lightening than get all dressed up to go out in the rain.

GiST 6:365

1. Driving down Rock Quarry and seeing the BRIGHT GREEN trees. So pretty.

2. The view of the lightening from the corner of Stadium and Providence

3. My friends coming up to see me bar-tend today :)

4. A nice message from my Uncle John congratulating me on graduating

5. Serving Kayla a glass of wine at the Soph (she just turned 21)

GiST 7:365

1. Waking up smiling today :) And the ride with Taxi Terri last night :) He is my favorite.

2. The E-vite to Casey & Terry's House-Warming Party

3. The text from my old boss telling me he enjoyed the other half of my pickelman's sandwich last night :)

4. Sitting on the patio with Mimi enjoying a beer to celebrate graduating!

5. Learning that my bosses pay nearly 75 grand to credit card companies just for having credit card service at the restaurants. It still blows my mind.

So, So Ready!

Forgive me, this will all be mostly about school because right now I can't even force myself to study I am so anxious to just get through my final tomorrow!

GiST 5:365

1. Completing EVERYTHING I needed to today and knowing tomorrow will be the last time I have to take a final as an undergrad.

2. Seeing the pictures of my gorgeous little sister at prom :) She's so pretty!

3. The WTF greeting card website Sumo posted - It's funny she is so brilliant!

http://www.deathsvertigo.com/wtfgreetings/

4. All of the new country songs I just downloaded. I finally got over the, "I can't listen to country because I'm single now" phase. And remembered how much I LOVE IT. Pretty sure me and my sister need to do the country concert pack at UMB this summer again.

Wild At Heart - Gloriana

5. The gorgeous weather today - I got to study

on the porch which made it not as miserable as it could have been. I still despise this class but it's over in about 12 hours!!!!!!!! woohoo!

Pray for me to pass this final, I keep freaking out thinking I'm going to fail the one class I need to graduate lol. I know it's crazy but I really haven't ever felt this unprepared. I've studied for 12 hours, still clueless.

Happy Mother's Day

Kind of strange because I actually have friends who are first time moms this year :) Crazy but wonderful... made the day take on new meaning. I took my mom to P.F. Changs on Friday when I was in town and we went shopping. I love my mom, she's become a much more recognized blessing in my life this year.

A few months ago my partner on the Innocence Project and I were in southeast MO investigating our case and she turned to me and asked, "You know what's crazy? If this girl's mom had just went looking for her we wouldn't be here 20 years later on her murder trail trying to determine what happened to her that night." I started thinking about all of the times I resented my mom for calling and checking on me or making me come home on prom night instead of going to the after party or having to see a persons parents home before I was allowed to stay at their house. I hated her for that - briefly. I remember calling her when I got home from my trip and just saying sorry and telling her how much I appreciated her protection. I know not everyone has a mom who puts their kids before everything, including themselves. And watching my younger siblings resent her the same way I did is really hard. I can't say I don't still take her for granted at times but I do know now that I let her know as much as possible how much I appreciate her. When you have a good mom, every day should be like mother's day. I think about being a mom and it terrifies me. I don't know if I'll ever be able to love my children they way my mom loved my brother and sister and I. I can aspire to it, but I don't know how capable I feel of doing it. I've got a while before that's even an issue I suppose :)

Anyway I am working a double and don't have much time but wanted to put my GiST list up. I know I'm studying right after work tonight until I take my final Tuesday at 10:30.

GiST 4:365

1. My mom: in all of her overreacting, overprotective sometimes crazy ways. She is by far the greatest blessing I've had since I was traveling with her in her womb.

2. A little girl named Isadora (note to self that I LOVE that name!) at my table today who blew me kisses to apologize after swatting my hand away when I tried to pick up her bowl of ice cream that she wasn't finished with yet :)

3. Rachel and my cousin Chrissy - two of the moms that have made this day take on a brand new, wonderful meaning

4. This weekend: I got to see friends and family and still work enough to pay the bills! It was a perfect weekend and a great precursor to how my life is going to be post-graduation!

5. All of my relatives coming to watch me graduate, esp my Aunt Susan. I'm really excited to see her and show her where I live and why I love it so much :)

Credit Card Note

Tonight at work I picked up a book off of a table to find the following:

A signed mastercard slip with a $20 tip on on a $40 bill that was signed with this message on the bottom: 2nd class job, you could do much better.

At first, I was like oh crap, what did I do wrong? I couldn't stop thinking about it for the entire night. The table was in a hurry, I got their food to them really quickly because they needed to be somewhere and I laughed with them and was perfectly friendly. My friend goes: Jess... they weren't saying you did a second class job. They were saying serving is a second class job, you are capable of having a much better job.

Oh.

Maybe, I thought. But I love my job. Not as a life endeavor, but I enjoy the people I enjoy serving and it's good money. It was almost more offensive that this man thought I was settling to be a server for my life and that he looked down so much on a profession that is nothing to be ashamed of. Either way, I appreciated the jolt in my evening this man caused. It made me feel great to know someone thought I had potential, even if he was an arrogant asshole.

I had the best time I've had in a long time last night with Jen. It was perfect. Lots of dancing, laughing and just enjoying her. I'm so glad I decided to go home.

I also got to see both Casey and Stacey's new homes :) I am so happy for both of them, they both have so many exciting things going for them and I thought I would be envious, but really I'm just happy I get to be excited for/with them. They both deserve the happiness they have and I couldn't be more blessed to watch them have so many blessings unfolding in their lives :)

GiSt 3:365:

1. The note from my customer

2. Lunch with dad on the porch today: still worried about him but it was very good to see him

3. The entertaining night last night: too much to put in detail on here but it was all around a successful night!

4. The beautiful drive back from StL to CoMo today, I love when I can drive with the windows down

5. My bed and fleece cover right now. I'm so comfortable.

Oh and I bought my grad dress and shoes (pics). L.o.v.e.