May 12, 2008
"Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were."
Ok, so as aspiring journalists one of the suggestions we are given at the j-school is to "blog". They say it gets us to write about anything and everything, and helps us become better writers. I've been meaning to do so all semester, and tonight I decided that I really should just do it. I love to write so why not? And who really reads these things anyway? Probably just me. Anyway, I figured one way to go about this would be to explain the quotes that I am drawn to daily and how they happen to define my life as it is usually. I am a quote freak - I'm aware. But I love when someone else perfectly captures my feelings. Plus, I find other people love reading them and often thank me for throwing them out there.
So today I woke up suprisingly calm, turned in my term paper and a take-home final and studied my little butt off for about 3 hours. Then started to stress - this is typically how my days go. I got to the Missourian (the newspaper/magazine I write for) at 3 and of all days they decided to actually give me something to do - an obituary for someone with the last name Smith. Now there are two reasons why I was stressed by this:
1. I have two finals tomorrow I was trying to study for and I needed to get out of there early to go to the review sessions
2. When you write an obituary, you're supposed to contact family members and try to make it a "life story" rather than a short little blurb. Well let's just say looking up Smith in the phonebook and trying to contact an 83 year old persons relatives is not exactly going to happen.
It's not that I mind writing obituaries - I actually enjoy it because I think they can be incredibly meaningful to families and sometimes you can write about an amazing person. But today was just not the day. It ended up turning out fine, I made a few calls - no luck but the editor said don't worry about making it a life story. I wrote the boring one and got on with my studying.
So what am I getting at? Anger/frustration gets you nowhere. It seems obvious but the way I felt for 15 minutes - the stress that mounted all over an obituary that ended up taking 20 minutes out of my day - well it wasn't really worth it! I thought about it and all I could think was that I ended up making it to my review sessions, I feel prepared for my finals, and I took 20 minutes out of my day to acknowledge the life of someone who's no longer here.
I don't know - I've been pretty consumed lately by some things that make me angry. Mainly with people who have abandoned me in the one and only time I can think of that I actually really needed people to lean on. I've realized quickly that as my life has become so filled with people, I've let some slip away. I guess I just never thought friendship should be work. It should be understood and mutual. And then again - I just think some people never genuinely cared about me. Forgiveness has never been a struggle for me - I don't know if it's just the way I was brought up or what but I don't hold grudges, I don't let little things build to the point to ruin a relationship, and I don't ever give up on people. But I find myself hurt often by people who don't realize how much they mean to me and who give up on me the instant my life changes or progresses. I can't say I'm suprised, but for some reason I am still affected by something so completely out of my control. So I continue to pray, and to forgive. What more is a girl to do? I just hope that I never turn into a person who forgets how to forgive. I never want to be the reason someone feels the loneliness I've been fighting in the past few months.
I can't say I won't be frazzled by another story thrown at me in the newsroom. I can say, however that I'm learning to love every minute of my life. And I am suprised and amazed at every turn. Despite the loss that I'm feeling, I can't describe how very happy I am right now. And I think that I am growing - and that when I look back, I will have gained much more than I have lost.
"for everything you have missed, you have gained something else"
-ralph waldo emerson
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